Here I am leaving work at 7:15 pm this Friday. I am smiling because we automatically smile when a camera is pointed at us. But I feel quite crappy inside.

The week has been demanding. I have felt judged on occasions and at a loss on what I could have done better. Am overwhelmed with the never ending list of personal and professional chores. I hoped to stay longer at work to finish up a few things, I needed to think deeply about, without my mailbox buzzing, but felt totally worn and defeated. Thankfully I know better than to blame the situation for how I feel.

Had it been pre-2008, the year I gave up drinking, I would have ended up in a pub with friends to numb my senses. Or I may have ended up home in front of the TV or even a movie to just shut myself out of the memory of the experiences of the week. Isn’t this what feels easier and totally justified?

Instead here I am at 8 pm with a Yoga Mat after I reached home. To avoid any disturbances I head to the poolside.

I spent 1.5 hours by the pool with Yoga and meditation. Would have gone longer if this cat hadn’t nuzzled up to me and startled me 🙂

It’s easier in the state I am now after the meditation to reflect on taking responsibility for my emotions, to not be stuck to others’ opinions of me and feel less overwhelmed, even though the list of what I have to do hasn’t disappeared in anyway.

It is this discipline to do the harder thing of attending to the Self that can prevent us from spiralling down when everything feels hopeless!

Practice during the good times can help us find the discipline when we most need to feel supported. And here is a note from Gurudev about it.