The title is a dialogue from Creed II where Rocky talks about a street light that isn’t working 😉 Seemed like a good title to document a few very hectic weeks.

An interesting few days. So much in activity. Will I be able to rest? Feeding off adulation and outcomes. Some people have been so loving, caring and sharing. If I don’t achieve anything and have nothing to show off, can I still be at peace the next few days? Sometimes we have no idea if it’s free will or just life’s predestined flow that you have no control over. All these good feelings and beautiful experiences. What did I do to deserve them? If I did nothing, then neither did I anything for what didn’t turn out well.

The month has been a roller coaster of excitement. There has been so much love. On the May 3-5 Happiness Program, such beautiful sharing of experiences. Neeta was such a wonderful organiser and host. The May 16-19 Happiness Program coming after the April program with Anjana and the early May program with Neeta, reunited me to teaching with Anu again. Anu has been busy as well. With all her youth activities. And her music practice including Flashback events that have been so well received in Singapore. We get things done as a couple. That’s our signature. And she does it better than anyone else. Like Swamiji said she is the archer who sees nothing but the birds eye. Not the bird, not the trees, not the forest. Only the bird’s eye. On Flashback when Tu bin bataaye was sung – I felt as if I was floating away in the feeling of bliss. Want my life to just float in the clouds far away from the din of everyday life. With my eyes closed I could feel myself transported. It was surreal. Vivek was really sweet. I could feel the love through my veins. Take me away somewhere – I could just be in this feeling. As Anu’s voice touched the high notes on “la la la la la ……” my hair stood on end

In the midst of a hectic May and a very busy 6 months of 2019, the connection with Anjana has a different flavour. Life has so many nuances. My appreciation of these nuances has increased so much. The appreciation of our humanness has increased so much more. Of course we  are aware of relationships defined in the context of family life and friends, some close and some merely acquaintances. But somehow the fact that we are all connected by a human bond and we can experience love from different quarters, not necessarily restricted to defined relationships is so much more real. She has an ability to be sensitive and caring, that can touch lives. Being on a course with her is experiencing this sense of belongingness and to connect without inhibition with people. Her wide eyes that smile with no restrictions are piercing. They open hearts. Anu and I are touched by her unbridled expression of love and belongingness. And Vivek with his wry smile always looks like the perfect example of someone practicing Viveka and Vairagya every moment. One who has Vivek in his or her life is never far from joy. Anjana on the other hand is all passion every moment. A perfect combination of Yin and Yang.

The Sahaj program with Anjana in May was the largest Sahaj outside of Swamiji or Bhanu Ma’s courses. From this space of sheer gratitude at the end of the Sahaj program with Anjana, I went to attend the Flashback organised by the Melville team including Nishi, Sukhada, Gauri, Preeti, Reshma, Neela Di, Urmi (and others I am probably forgetting) and felt grace and love pouring out in the performance by Vivek and Anu, with some flawless compering by Sheetal. Kiran has been a constant factor in all  our events and courses in Singapore recently. There is no doubt he is blessed and will achieve great heights in his life journey. In the few months he has been here, his YES mind is an example of what ‘making a difference’ truly stands for. 

The Indian culture has a way of reaching your heart through the stomach. I had asked Neeta to organize a lunch for me since I was going to the course I was teaching with her directly from another session. And the spread she had organised for my lunch reflected so much of the graciousness that is Neeta. So touching. Not to mention Devender’s company including his take on intention, attention and manifestation. An interesting take where he said that the best way to realise everything is maya is to dream and to dream big and notice the dream actually comes true. If that happens then it proves that this is clearly Maya or delusion. I thought that was deep. 

I experienced Atika’s magic again. Atika on a course is magic unleashed. Outside the course  Atika is quiet, at least with me. But on the course she is an epitome of eloquence. I love the way sentences flow out of her, fully constructed with no pauses or fillers. When she defined DSN, it was the most punchy definition of DSN I have ever heard that linked back what we do on DSN to our deeper selves.  The way she called out the benefits of Padma Sadhana – creativity, getting rid of adrenal fatigue, massaging all the endocrinal glands. Giving them the necessary dose of intellectual satisfaction on why we have to do certain things. You can sense participants falling in love with her and eating out of her hands. They will do anything for her in a course. And then we notice how seemingly simple processes bring out such a wave of feelings and emotions in participants un-bottling suppressed traumas and releasing them. We can see how grace takes over and how Prana works magic.  I once again got reminded of the magic of dedicating yourself to organising a course for someone like Atika. We will soon do a 108 person DSN for Atika. 

What is in store for you will come to you no matter what, including flowers showered and abuses hurled at you.  But whether that creates further Karma or not is up to you. On our way home one evening after DSN, Jayanti shared this piece of wisdom she had read on how Sadhana prevents us from accumulating more Karma by refining our response to events. So true. In fact the key is to stay in that state of equanimity in bad as well as good situations. If I really think about it, maintaining equanimity when excited by a favourable situation is harder than in difficult moments because the latter can wake up the warrior in us, while the former can put us more into doership and pride. 

At work the move out came as a blessing in disguise on the timing. With all that had been happening in May a relatively easy month at work allowed me to immerse myself in all that happened above. For a few years now, I have brought up to Gurudev my feeling that I deserve more at work. For some reason I have only mentioned this to Gurudev in Bali each time, never anywhere else. Gurudev clearly dismissed it previously. With the wave of HIS hand and a smile on HIS face. Then last year when I again raised my dis-satisfaction HE said ‘Don’t worry’. This year in Feb, when I said I have another opportunity knocking and asked if I should pursue, HE said “Yes, Yes, Yes”. And by April, things had changed dramatically. I had been promoted at work and I had another excellent offer from elsewhere. This time when I met Gurudev, I actually had the external offer on hand and HE had put me in a position to choose from a space of abundance in my existing situation than out of frustration with where I was. Thank you also to Atika who encouraged me to share this story with my course participants. The hand of the divine in taking care of my mind is so apparent in this story. 

I could possibly go on about so many others – Kishore, Sumitra, Ira, Vimaljit, I am taking names randomly here. Life can be heaven on earth or hell depending on the company you keep. When Anu sang ‘You raise me up’ at the Melville event, I realised more than ever how blessed we are in our lives that we are surrounded by people who raise us up. Of course the energy is from THE ONE. But we are grateful for each other’s company because together we are more than I can be alone. 💕🥰

I don’t know what I did to get all of you in my life. But whatever it is, keep me here in this feeling – in this state of being.

In this state Anu and I fly to be with my sister, my BIL, my parents and our lovely little children. June promises to be more waves of happiness in Portland, Oregon. 

I belong to you all 💕💕💕